“No Babies/Toddlers Were Harmed in the Making of This Craigslist Ad.”
Disclaimer: This is an old Facebook post revisited.
Every parent has felt as such at some point. Good thing the internet hasn’t been around long or we’d see a lot more of these. LOL
In the old days, they would use carrier pigeons to sell their kids.
…There was also the bubonic plague.
And just think if anyone took Jonathan Swift seriously. Ummm, no one did, did they?
Oh goodness, and you’re not the first:
Think of the possibilities, if only law enforcement was not so opposed to the sale of small children….
That’s awesome! I can’t wait for the cops to show up at my door. I guess I should take off my clown make-up before they arrive.
No, no. Keep it on. It’ll be more fun that way. I promise.
Wau, Craigslist is really… diverse. Is this like adoption sort of?
More like a fast-food take-out menu.
Yes I understand. Fast arrangements. Yes. Is she spayed?
I’m seldom speechless, but you got me there…
Sara can hear me laughing from her office…
Touché. I can’t outwit you.
Je lève mon chapeau,
Do you take Money Orders?
Is your American money still worth something?
Le Canadian Clown
if not i have a nice collection of Bottle caps..
I will take her and I have loonies.
They have pictures of the Queen on them since you are still a British Colony. By the way Europe will be dragging you down into the muck with them in about a week.
We don’t have muck. Just ice.
They will drag you down under the ice with them and there will be no breathing holes
Shipping should be an offer… and demonic eyes are beautiful!
Granted, demonic eyes are stunning.
Can’t say the same about my red eyes.
Although it matches with my red plastic nose.
[Now pay attention boys and girls and stay in school, because the following is what unemployment will do to you.]
Ode to Le Clown and La Poppy
[Composed of 100% selected Nickelback lyrics (with very slight modifications for context). Beware of shoddy imitations (like Tom Waits or Kris Kristofferson), always insist on 100% grade A Canadian Nickelback lyrics.]
Well it’s midnight, damn right, he’s wound up too tight
Le Clown felt like shit when le Clown woke up this morning
Climb into the ring for a battle that le Clown can’t win
The only thing you’ve brought was psychological warfare
There ain’t a Clown on the planet who can deal with it
Everybody wants to know her name
She’s screaming like demons, swinging from the ceiling
She’d like to just rewrite his life and take what she like
A tiny church a tiny town and not a tear was spent
And le Clown loves the good times that La Poppy wrecks
How did her eyes get so red
And what the hell is on W.P.’s head
And we all look away
People pretending everywhere
How can Robilomas fall asleep at night
One more depending on a prayer
Would somebody help le Clown breathe?
Sincerely, Le Phil
P.S. Nickelback just called; they want their mojo back…
Thank you. You’ve done something I thought was impossible up to this point… Appreciate something that was remotely related to Nickelback.
I will write on the inPhiluencer very soon. I have too. You’ve been good to me since the days of Batlles’ Atlas.
So funny, our little man is apparently exactly alike! Maybe we should match them up so they have no choice but to have children who pay them back for this terror! My three oldest were never this demanding combined!
Do you think our parents said the same thing?
I was a perfect child, I don’t know what you’re talking about?
What’s the return policy on Lord Evil Poppy?
As I don’t have a witty comment on this one, can I just send you an email on Facebook telling you how awesome you are?
I accept any and all forms of flattery
By the way, I was born in February.
Good for you.
Evil Poppy is my doppelganger.
I *heart* Lord Evil Poppy. I will take her. But Alice hates babies, and she would count Lord Evil Poppy in that demographic. Sigh. Nevermind. I guess The Kidling says I can’t have her…
Babies and toddlers and Kidlings have too much power.
I say it’s time for La Revolution!
Occupy Parenting… I’ll get my Guy Fawkes mask out again, and wear it over my clown’s face.
Indeed they do. And they know precisely how much power they wield. You be Guy Fawkes and I will be Wonder Woman. Viva la revolution!
Only if you make Linda Carter proud.
Love the Mad Men header…lol. Try reading to her from Dr. Seuss Sleepbook. It worked beautifully on my children…and me as well. You will be yawning by the end of the book, if you make it that far.
Thanks! We have a few of his books, but not his Sleepbook…. I wish I could say she gace us a good night last night…
“I’ll take a child, please.”
Don’t you want to know anything about it? Boy or girl? Age? Hobbies?
“No, that’s quite all right. Like always, I’ll probably just end up eating the eyes and letting the rest go to waste anyway, but I do appreciate it.”
Evil doesn’t have a gender, as they are many.
If you didn’t live so far away, and I usually get disgusted by children, I’d take her. I’d take her and dress her up like Darth Vader and play the Imperial March on repeat so that she would have a theme music when she walked around being awesome…..
…uuuh…too early in the morning, and too much BA Thesis work makes Sophy a crazy girl.
As a Darth Vader collector, I loved your comment.
When Lord Evil Poppy enters a room, the Imperial March is always heard…
That is just awesome. She should have some sort of poking device as well, so she can punish her subjects for being disobedient.
Surely you have this… http://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/1617750255 ?
I just might have pre-ordered four copies before it was even printed to give as gifts to friends in precisely your position. I am already down to just one copy left… I guess that means you aren’t alone. Some consolation that is.
Of course! Where do you think I live?
An igloo, that’s right.
Wait. Is this a joke? Are you saying you DON’T live in an igloo? Suddenly I am finding you so much less cool than I did five minutes ago.
Igloo + cool. Get it? Get it?
Good god, how do you do it?
Easy: I don’t sleep.
awww bless, send her to me in express delivery
Are you willing to part with 50% of your life?
Is that a condition or a hunch? Well, the child is Aquarius and so am I, will go well along & I will use reverse psychology -blink blink!
It’s more like the cost of owning Legion.
I’ll give you props for your courage…
Bid ends in 24 hours.
I’m looking for a baby but I prefer one more gently used or new than “not so gently used”. Back to the toddler getting drawing board.
If I were to do it all over again, so would I.
It’s always the same scenario, nice young couple, beautiful kid, life is grand… and then one day, he looks at her, or her at him, and says “We should get a poppy!”
At first, everything is cool, but then the poppy starts growing and pooping everywhere, chewing on the furniture and whatnot… and the next thing you know, the nice couple wants to get rid of their poppy.
Don’t you know where poppies come from!? That’s right: poppy mills! And your irresponsible behavior simply encourages these illegal and immoral operations to keep churning out more poppies.
Say “no” to poppy mills. Please contribute to the cause: get your credit card out and call 1-800-poppy-rocks; operators are standing by. You can also donate online by visiting http://www.ericlovesnickelback.com.
Please help stop the madness, every donation counts!
Pingback: You Won’t Make a Convict out of Le Clown | A Clown On Fire - April 5, 2012
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